


if your life was gold, how long do you think you'd stay living?

by one_more_page



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Major Character Injury, Story telling as a coping mechanism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23343847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_more_page/pseuds/one_more_page
Summary: Had they met Before the End of the World, maybe it would have been different. Maybe there would have been coffee dates, and moonlit strolls, and midnight kisses, and lazy Sunday morning sex, and a hundred thousand other moments that all made life just a little more bearable.But they didn’t have any of that. They met After. Where it was all about survival and just trying to make it to see the next dawn. All they had was the tentative hope that when you woke up in the morning, your partner would still be keeping watch.It wasn’t enough, but it was all they had.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 144





	if your life was gold, how long do you think you'd stay living?

The pain in Arthur’s leg was almost unbearable as he staggered toward the house just at the bottom of the hill. Merlin dragged him along, constantly looking over their shoulders, gun at the ready. His foot twisted in a dip in the earth and he bit back a cry as his vision went black. When he came to there was the taste of blood metallic on his tongue from where he bit through his lip. Merlin was practically carrying him at this point, muttering a constant string of _don’t stop now_ , _come on you fucking bastard_ , _almost there lazy asshole,_ which was not nearly as encouraging as he probably thought it was.

They’d made it _so far_ and now that they were just a few days journey away from their destination they weren’t going to make it. Arthur would complain about how cruel the world was but life had been cruel ever since the World Ended. It was his own fault for expecting anything else.

When they crossed the threshold of the doorway, Arthur slumped against the wall, slid down until he landed with a thud, and choked back an involuntary groan. Merlin barred the door out of a precautionary habit and sank to the ground in front of him, ripping Arthur’s pant leg and setting to work.

“So fucking noble,” Merlin muttered, “couldn’t stand to let me be the hero for once. Had to go and get yourself bitten by a fucking wolf.” He shook his head and continued his muttering, an incessant stream of chatter that never ceased. If he was talking this much, _swearing_ this much, then he must be really nervous. 

Arthur was probably going to die.

As if reading his thoughts, Merlin shot him a fierce glare. “Shut the fuck up.”

Arthur heaved a strangled laugh, trying to put Merlin at ease. “Didn’t say anything,” he grunted.

Merlin went back to work ripping their bag open and dumping out supplies. “You had that face. The one I can’t fucking stand.”

He tried to smirk. “Thought you always hated my face.”

“You know that’s not true you piece of shit.” 

He did know. There was this thing between them, that they didn’t address, didn’t talk about. It was electric and all consuming and sometimes the only thing that kept Arthur going. Had they met Before the End of the World, maybe it would have been different. Maybe there would have been coffee dates, and moonlit strolls, and midnight kisses, and lazy Sunday morning sex, and a hundred thousand other moments that all made life just a little more bearable.

But they didn’t have any of that. They met After. Where it was all about survival and just trying to make it to see the next dawn. All they had was the tentative hope that when you woke up in the morning, your partner would still be keeping watch.

It wasn’t enough, but it was all they had.

Without warning, rubbing alcohol was doused on his wound and Arthur let out a shrill scream as a stinging agony tore through him. Merlin’s eyes were a fierce glowing blue as they met his and he used some of their precious water to dab at the bite. “You aren’t allowed to die on me.”

It was a few heaving breaths in and out as he came back to himself. He focused on the cool wood floor against his skin and the ice chill of the metal ring digging into his thumb where he clenched his fist until it was white knuckled and the searing heat of Merlin’s hand gripping the thigh of his uninjured leg with all his might. His face softened as he studied his companion of the past few months, the man who stumbled upon his cabin where he had hidden himself away after the End of the World and saved him from his solitude. “I might not have a choice.”

Merlin shook his head and went back to his muttering as he dressed the wound. “Man thinks the fucking sun shines out of his ass but now he decides to be realistic.” He looked back up and bit his lip. Arthur knew it was bad. Without looking he could feel the chunks of his flesh hanging loosely where they should be stitched together. Even Before this would have been a complicated surgery with sutures and antibiotics and a long recovery period. Merlin let out a breath, determination in his gaze. “I’m going to tourniquet it.”

“Yeah, all right.” It wasn’t as if there was a choice. 

His assent seemed to steel the other man and he went to work. Arthur chanced a glance at the mangled mess that was once his leg, saw something white that may have been bone, and promptly passed out.

\--

He came to hours later, or at least he assumed it was hours. The world was dark and he knew it had been midday when he had been attacked. He glanced around to orient himself. The room looked like it could have belonged to an elderly woman, lots of hideous floral patterns and thick upholstery and enough handmade cross-stitching to know it had been decorated with something that might have been love. The fabric of the couch was rough beneath his fingers, dark and floral matching the rest of the room. The air was slightly stale, though there was a stubborn lingering scent of flowery moth balls, as if perhaps the occupant of the house doused it in her perfume right when the World Ended. 

It wasn’t the worst smelling place they stayed in.

A fire was roaring across the room. Between him and the hearth was Merlin, sitting on the floor, elbows on his knees, back against an old trunk likely serving as a coffee table, staring at him an arms reach away. He was backlit by the fire so Arthur couldn’t make out his features.

“You should leave me.” 

There was no point beating around the issue. It was an argument they were going to have to have and the sooner they had it, the sooner Merlin could get on with staying alive.

“You think I spent time dragging your ass through the woods, cleaning your wound, and carrying your hulking body through this decrepit house just to give up on you entirely?” The words were familiar in their teasing but the delivery was harsh, biting, _angry_. Arthur wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Merlin angry.

“ _Mer_ lin.”

“ _Ar_ thur.” 

He wished he could see him clearly, wished Merlin wasn’t shrouded in shadow. Merlin was easier to gauge when he could watch the expressions flit across his face. He wore his heart on his sleeve and Arthur found it disconcerting that he couldn’t read him now when it mattered, when things were moving in a serious and solemn direction.

Arthur softened his features. He knew his face would be lit up by the fire and if he wanted to let emotions slip, Merlin would be able to read him like a book. “You stand a better chance without me.”

It was true. Arthur was going to slow him down. Without him, Merlin might actually make it to the ocean. The arbitrary destination they had chosen when they set out all those months ago.

Merlin scoffed. “Pretty sure that’s been the case this whole time. Your sour disposition hasn’t exactly been the motivation I needed to keep me going but I’ve grown rather attached. No sense in changing dynamics now.” Once again the words themselves were the usual barbs they sparred with but gone was the gentle flirtatious lilt. All that remained was a fierce determination. It made his palms sweat.

“Tell me about your rom com.” The words came out of nowhere and he faintly wondered if Merlin had somehow slipped him something while he was unconscious.

But he was rewarded with a laugh, real and genuine that shined light into the empty parts of his soul. “I don’t have a rom com.”

Arthur adopted his best pout. “ _Please_ , I need a distraction.”

Merlin loved to tell stories. Loved to make up stories about the two of them and talk about how he would write them down when they settled in by the ocean, write a screen-play so it would be the very first movie people would watch when the World Began Again. When Arthur had asked if he was writing a horror film Merlin had just smirked at him and said that was too obvious. He’d be making a romantic comedy.

It had made Arthur laugh harder than he had in a very long time.

In the shadows he saw Merlin shake his head. “Should have known you’d be even more demanding as an invalid. Didn’t think that was possible.” Arthur smiled and closed his eyes. He really could use a distraction. He didn’t want to think about his leg or what the dawn would bring or anything really. He just wanted Merlin’s voice to lull him into a sense of calm that he didn’t realize he had begun to crave.

“I’d be your IT guy, because if this was a made for TV movie, that’s definitely the slightly stereotypical role I’d be cast in. Nerdy and gangly and awkward,” Merlin said at last and Arthur felt the corners of his lip tilt into another smile of their own accord. “You’d be a right bastard.” Arthur laughed and he could hear the grin as Merlin talked. “I’d take the job initially since it was at an immigration law firm and it would feel like I was doing something good. It certainly wouldn’t be the video game designing I wanted but I would rationalize that I had to start somewhere. But then I’d meet you and Christ I’d regret it. This self-entitled hotshot attorney.” His tone was finally teasing and Arthur let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. The world was a better place when Merlin was some sort of semblance of happy.

“I’d meet you in the break room or something equally banal and at first I’d probably ogle you just a bit.” Arthur grinned. He would have definitely checked Merlin out if he had stumbled into him during his past life. He could picture him in skinny jeans and a button down with dark framed glasses, looking every bit the role he cast himself in: the hot, hipster nerd. “And then you’d speak and it would just fucking _ruin it_. You would throw a fit about the quality of coffee and I’d tell you to calm down which would only rile you up more and then you and I would be sworn enemies of the office. We’d play horribly ridiculous pranks on one another which would obviously just be thinly concealed sexual tension and foreplay. And through it all you’d realize I have a bit of backbone and you like that I’m not afraid to stand up to you and I’d realize that you secretly have a heart of gold you’ve just been an asshole so long you don’t know how to show it.” 

Arthur relaxed against the couch, limbs heavy. He felt Merlin scoot closer until the other man’s body pressed against the couch near him still seated on the floor, face close to his. “And one day we’d be arguing about something stupid and meaningless. And it would hit you that this whole relationship hadn’t been antagonistic in a long time.” He felt Merlin’s hands brush along the fringe of hair over his forehead but he was too close to sleep to respond. He didn’t know whether or not Merlin knew he was awake. “And then you’d kiss me with absolutely no preamble whatsoever, giving me no time to prepare, and I’d push you off indignant but then we’d just stare at one another until the same realization hit me too. Then I’d blow you in the copy room. Forgot to mention this part of the movie takes place in the copy room,” Merlin huffed a quiet laugh and had Arthur been more awake, he would have as well.

Merlin sighed as his fingers skimmed along Arthur’s jaw. “And then we’d live happily ever after.”

Arthur could see it too. The life Merlin had painted for them. He wanted to open his mouth, tell Merlin he wanted it to be true, wanted whatever Merlin would offer him, but sleep claimed him before he had the chance.

\--

“Merlin,” Arthur started but Merlin shook his head fiercely and glared. The look was slightly undermined by the fact that he had his hands cradling Arthur’s head like he was something precious that he didn’t want to let go.

“You’re drunk.”

Arthur laughed at the absurdity of the statement. Of course he was _drunk_. He was about to have his leg cut off below the knee in what was once a chemistry classroom by someone with virtually no medical experience in a hastily assembled camp by a string of survivors trying to make some sort of life at the End of the World. It was only marginally better than if Merlin himself was going to attempt the operation. Long gone were the days of anesthesia. Now it was copious amounts of alcohol and a leather band to bite and you just had to make do.

He smiled at Merlin who looked pissed as hell at a time like this. They only had a few more minutes before his surgery and the “medics” were kind enough to give them the time alone. “You’re cute when you’re angry.”

Merlin leaned in close and Arthur could smell the mint of the gum he’d been nervously chewing all morning ghost across his face. He couldn’t tear his gaze away from Merlin’s mouth and licked his lips in anticipation. Maybe it was time. To address this thing between them. To do something about the almost literal sparks that fly when they stared at each other for several beats too long. Arthur certainly hoped it was.

Merlin didn’t disappoint him as he met him with a bruising kiss. It seared through him and he wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the situation or the fact that this was _Merlin_ and he had been trying not to kiss him for _months_. And Merlin was _relentless_. Licking into his mouth without hesitation, teeth biting his lips to the point of pain, making Arthur’s toes curl and back arch off the table. Merlin’s hands cupped his face, tilting Arthur until his neck was bared, and then Merlin snaked his fingers into his hair and tugged until Arthur let out an involuntary moan.

Merlin broke away abruptly and Arthur furrowed his brows, mind thoroughly short-circuited. 

But Merlin looked pained, eyes moist and it hit Arthur with sobering clarity that this might be the last time they see each other.

“Tell me how our rom com ends,” he begged. He had to know what a happy ending to their story would look like if they had met in a different lifetime.

Merlin’s eyes were still wet but his mouth quirked into a grin. “I’ll tell you when we make it to the ocean.”

Arthur sighed in defeat and looked at this impossible man before him. “I really hate your nauseating optimism.”

“No you don’t.”

Arthur shook his heavy head. “No I don’t.” He hated how sad Merlin looked. This wasn’t what he wanted their last memory to be. “Can you at least give me a sneak peak?” He asked, trying to look hopeful but he didn’t really have control over all his faculties.

Merlin gave him a small smile and then he leaned down, pressing their lips together once in a single chaste kiss that set his veins on fire. Honestly they could have forgone all the booze, Merlin was far more intoxicating.

The medic came in and they broke apart. Merlin squeezed Arthur’s hand and Arthur did his best to memorize the sensation and take it with him forever. As the room filled with bustling bodies readying the operation Merlin leaned down, brushed his lips against his ear, and whispered, “I’d top.”

Laughter poured out of him before he could catch it. Several people in the room looked over in concern but he couldn’t be bothered. The small smirk painting Merlin’s face was all that mattered.

\--

It was difficult, figuring out how to get around with a crutch that wasn’t quite the appropriate size and a recently lost limb. More difficult with Merlin tugging him along through the hallways of the school they were still staying at, the other residents of the camp giving them wary looks.

“Merlin, what on earth --”

Merlin didn’t answer, just pushed open a nondescript door and shoved Arthur inside, catching him before he could lose balance. A useless light bulb dangling from the ceiling, a relic of the days of electricity, hit Arthur’s head with a thunk.

“Ow, fuck, Merlin --”

There was the gentle squeeze of hands on his shoulder, the lightest pressure, pushing him down. He went willingly, not sure it was wise to argue with Merlin’s strange quiet mood, until he sat on what felt like the top stair of a step ladder. The custodial closet was dark, not quite pitch black as there was a ray of light seeping in from beneath the door and a small hole in the ceiling where creatures and rain had been making their way inside if the smell was anything to go by. He couldn’t really make out Merlin in the space, just the shadow of his outline.

Merlin grunted in frustration, pressed his forehead against Arthur’s, and gripped his shoulders tighter. He heard Merlin swallow and take a steadying breath, felt his own pulse start thrumming from their proximity.

Sometimes Arthur thought the kiss must have been some sort of drunken hallucination as Merlin hadn’t done it again since. In fact, Merlin had kept quite the distance between them, always by Arthur’s side but never touching more than necessary. And Arthur didn’t want to push him, didn’t want to lose him, but Christ what a fucking _tease_ he was if he was going to kiss Arthur _like that_ and joke about _fucking him_ and then not do _a goddamn thing_ about it.

Merlin squeezed his shoulders once. “I just -- I wanted to do something, since you’re moving around again and aren’t high on painkillers all the time.” Arthur gave an annoyed grunt at the joke. The only painkillers left had been baby fucking aspirin. “I’ve been waiting -- _wanting_ to -- to show you what you mean to me.” Arthur’s heart thudded faster. “To show you what I want from you. But I didn’t want to do it while you were recovering.”

Arthur swallowed, suddenly feeling a little dizzy. “Does it have to be in a broom cupboard?”

His eyes still weren't adjusted to the dim light of the room. The world was in puzzle pieces his mind tried to make sense of: Merlin’s eyes bright and blinking, the flash of teeth as he chewed his lip, the cut of Merlin’s cheek highlighted by the sliver of light raining down through the ceiling.

He watched as Merlin lowered himself to his knees and positioned himself between Arthur’s legs, gripping his thighs. Arthur’s mouth went dry.

“Well,” Merlin said with a forced lightness, as he scratched his nails up the rough fabric on Arthur’s thighs making his breath stutter and blood turn to fire. Merlin’s fingers hooked beneath his waistband, leaving a searing heat where they brushed Arthur’s skin, and he had to force himself not to moan just from that contact alone. Merlin licked his lips and looked up at him. “I know how much you like our movie and this is the closest thing I could find to a copy room.”

And then Arthur leaned forward and kissed him. This ridiculous, romantic, _idiot_ he’d gone and fallen in love with during the End of the World.

\--

“You promised to tell me how it ends.”

It was the first thing that came to mind after staring out at the neverending body of water. They’d been standing for a long time, wind whipping around them as a storm brewed on the horizon, though neither of them made any sign of a willingness to move.

He didn’t think they’d make it. But here they were. In more (or less) one piece. Together.

Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Tell you what?”

“How our movie ends.”

Merlin grinned and looked back out at the ocean. It was quiet for a few moments before he sighed. It wasn’t a sigh of annoyance or frustration or sadness. It was a sigh of pure contentment. 

“We’d date for years, at least five. You being horribly emotionally repressed and me being terrified of commitment.” Arthur smiled, he never would have taken Merlin to be someone as anything but blindly loyal but they never talked about who they were Before. And the End of the World changed people. “But then I’d think ‘fuck it, if you’re not gonna move things along then I’d better.’ So I’d plan this big fancy dinner at home because by this point we’ve at least moved in together. There’d be candles and placemats and -- I don’t know -- champagne. But you’d come home take one look at the table and then storm upstairs. And I’d be pissed because here I went through all the trouble of making _you_ dinner ready to ask you to love me forever and you went and threw some kind of fit about it.”

Arthur was grinning rather manically as he watched Merlin tell the story, hands gesturing wildly to punctuate certain points. The wind tousled Merlin’s unruly hair, the brine of the ocean stung their skin, and Arthur felt more at peace at the End of the World than he ever had Before. “But before I could get really worked up for an argument, because Christ we’d argue _a lot_ , you’d come downstairs and fucking drop to one knee still looking pissed to high heaven. And I’d say ‘ _what the fuck’_ and you’d pull out a ring box and tell me that I can’t propose to you tonight because you’d be proposing to me and then I’d leave in a huff because dinner really had taken a lot of time and come back with _my ring_ and then we’d spend way too long arguing about who was proposing before we realized that we both wanted to be married.” 

Merlin looked over at him with a smile. “And then we wouldn’t even eat my fucking dinner because you are so goddamn unsatiable and we’d have celebratory sex right there on the floor.” 

Arthur laughed and stepped closer to Merlin so their foreheads pressed together, so he could smell the tang of Merlin’s sweat, and lick the salt of the sea from his lips.

“And you’d top?” He asked because he couldn’t get enough of Merlin’s story.

Merlin’s eyes lit up and he let out a booming laugh. “Yeah, I’d top.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Title comes from the song "Gold" from the musical Once. Feel free to catch me on [tumblr](https://1-more-page.tumblr.com).
> 
> Comments and kudos are the best :)


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